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Every year, I do something that most people think sounds a little extreme: I fast for three days on nothing but water. No food, no juice, no coffee. I have been doing it long enough now that I have stopped dreading it and started genuinely looking forward to what it does for my mind.

People usually ask about the physical side of fasting. But honestly? The mental shift is the part that keeps me coming back.

What Happens to Your Brain When You Fast

When you go without food for an extended period, your body eventually shifts from burning glucose to burning ketones. Ketones have a direct effect on the brain and research suggests they act as a cleaner, more efficient fuel source for neurons. Fasting also triggers a rise in brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein often described as fertilizer for the brain. Higher BDNF levels are associated with improved mood, sharper cognition, and greater resilience to stress.

Mood and Depression: The Surprising Lift

The first 24 hours are not pretty. There is irritability, low energy, and a mild headache. But something shifts around day two. A quietness settles in. The low-grade mental noise gets noticeably softer. Studies have shown that short-term caloric restriction can reduce inflammatory markers closely tied to depressive symptoms.

Anxiety and Stress: Less Really Can Be More

One of the things I did not expect was how much calmer I would feel by day three. There is something about removing the constant decision-making around food that creates a kind of mental simplicity. Fasting has been shown to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and reduce cortisol variability.

Mental Clarity and Focus: The Fog Lifts

Around 48 hours in, my thinking becomes noticeably sharper. Tasks that would normally require effort feel easier. This is thought to be driven by the ketone shift and a reduction in insulin levels, which allows for steadier, more stable brain energy.

A Few Important Caveats

Prolonged fasting is not for everyone. People with a history of eating disorders, diabetes, those who are pregnant or breastfeeding, and anyone on certain medications should not attempt multi-day fasts without medical supervision.

Why I Keep Coming Back

Three days a year does not sound like much. But it has become one of the most reliable mental resets I have found. Not a fix for serious mental health conditions, but a reminder that my mind is capable of more stillness, clarity, and ease than I give it credit for in the rush of everyday life.

Have you experimented with fasting and noticed effects on your mood or mental clarity? I would love to hear about it.

Most couples do not fall apart dramatically. They drift. Slowly, quietly, and often without either person noticing until the distance feels too wide to cross. That is why I think every couple benefits from occasionally pausing and honestly asking: are we still good?

1. I understand why I am with this person and if I had to choose again, I would.

Over time, relationships can quietly shift from a conscious choice into a default arrangement. You stay together out of habit, shared finances, social expectations, or fear of starting over. None of those are the same as choosing someone. Dr. John Gottman found that couples with a strong love map, a rich updated understanding of who their partner is, are far more resilient through conflict and hardship.

2. We are friends, we are open with each other, and I am not afraid to be myself.

Research from the University of Denver found that couples who described their partner as their best friend reported significantly higher relationship satisfaction. Researcher Brene Brown's work shows that the willingness to be seen, really seen, flaws and fears included, is the mechanism through which genuine intimacy is built. Couples who cannot be vulnerable with each other often become increasingly lonely inside the relationship.

3. We are sexually attracted to each other and open to talking about our preferences.

Sexual intimacy is often the first thing couples stop discussing openly. Dr. Emily Nagoski makes an important point: sexual attraction in long-term relationships does not stay alive automatically. It requires attention, novelty, and a safe environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing what they want.

How to Use This Checklist

Do not use it as a test to pass or fail. Use it as a conversation. Sit with each statement privately first, then bring it to your partner as an invitation to check in. The couples who thrive long-term are the ones who stay curious about each other and do not wait until things are broken to start paying attention.

Which of these three feels most solid in your relationship right now?

We have all felt it. That sharp, uncomfortable tightening in the chest when your partner laughs a little too long with someone else. The quiet spiral that starts when a colleague gets the recognition you were hoping for. The sting of watching someone else live a life that looks a lot like the one you wanted.

We call it jealousy. And almost immediately, we direct it outward. But here is the thing that took me a long time to understand: jealousy is rarely about the other person. It is almost always about you.

Jealousy as a Mirror

There is a reason jealousy feels so personal, so visceral, so hard to shake with logic. It is not a response to what is actually happening in front of you. It is a response to something much older: a belief, buried somewhere beneath the surface, that you are not enough. Not lovable enough. Not talented enough. Not worthy enough to hold on to the things and people you value.

The person who triggered the jealousy did not create that belief. They just walked close enough to the wound to make it hurt. Two people can witness the exact same situation and have completely different reactions. One feels secure and unbothered. The other spirals into anxiety and suspicion. The situation is identical. The difference lives entirely inside the person reacting to it.

What Jealousy Is Actually Highlighting

When jealousy flares up, it is pointing at something specific: a place inside you where you do not quite believe you deserve what you have. In romantic jealousy, it often sounds like: why would they stay with me when someone like that exists? That thought has nothing to do with your partner's behaviour and everything to do with how you see yourself.

Psychologists call these core beliefs: automatic, often unconscious assumptions about yourself and your place in the world. Beliefs like I am not enough or I am unlovable are usually formed early in life, shaped by childhood experiences, attachment patterns, and moments where we felt rejected or abandoned. They sit quietly in the background until something pokes them. Jealousy is one of the most reliable pokers there is.

The Hidden Wounds Underneath

Most people who struggle with intense or recurring jealousy are not irrational by nature. They are carrying wounds that were never properly tended to. Maybe love in childhood felt unpredictable, available one moment and withdrawn the next, and so the nervous system learned to stay on high alert for signs of loss. Maybe a past relationship involved real betrayal, and now the brain pattern-matches even neutral situations to that old threat.

This is why telling a jealous person to just trust your partner is almost always useless. The jealousy is not a logical error that can be corrected with reassurance. It is a signal from the nervous system that something old and unresolved is asking for attention.

Jealousy Does Not Create the Feeling. It Reveals It.

Jealousy is not the source of your pain. It is the occasion for it. The fear, the unworthiness, the grief, the old anger: those were already there, formed by experiences that had nothing to do with your current partner or your current life. Jealousy just created the conditions for them to surface.

This is actually useful information, even though it does not feel that way when you are in the middle of it. Because it means the real work is internal. It is asking: what is this feeling trying to tell me about myself? What wound is being touched here? What do I believe about my own worth that is making this moment feel so dangerous?

What to Do With This

None of this means jealousy makes you broken or weak. It makes you human. But if jealousy is a recurring visitor in your life, if it is costing you peace or damaging your relationships, it is worth treating it as a doorway rather than just a problem.

When jealousy appears, try getting curious instead of reactive. Ask yourself: what am I actually afraid of here? Therapy, particularly approaches that work with attachment patterns and core beliefs such as schema therapy or EMDR, can be genuinely transformative for people whose jealousy is rooted in early trauma. It will not eliminate the feeling, but it can change the relationship you have with it.

Extend yourself some compassion. Jealousy is not a character flaw. It is a very human response to feeling like something precious might be taken from you: something you were never quite sure you deserved in the first place. The answer to that is not control. It is healing.

The next time jealousy shows up, try asking it one question before you act on it: what are you actually trying to protect?